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5月31日 Getting Used to a New GadgetAfter several weeks of research and studies, I had finally bought my new digital camera over the weekend. The new Fuji Z2 is a beautiful, super slim compact digital camera launched in October last year. It is does not come with the latest specs nor any special feature that I know of, but it does look pretty cool and feels good to carry around.
Perhaps because I was too used to my 1st camera, Sony P71, I don't seems to be able to get used to this new toy. Over the past 2 nights, I've been testing out pictures over and over again with the camera, but the pictures turn out pretty bad. I got disappointed. How could this new camera be worst than the 4 year old Sony I had? Not willing to accept this fact, I tested the camera over and over again in my office today. The pictures look good on the LCD screen of the camera, but upon downloading, the pictures were grainy. Of cos, if anyone were to look at the pictures at a 4R size, it is alright. But, we often print on 8Rs! How am I going to print in future?
After listening the advise from the salesman, I was about to try the camera once more, the battery went dead. How many pictures did I take? 20? 30? I think so. Now this really got me mad. Just when I wanted to give the camera another try, to convince myself, to tell myself i didnt make the wrong choice. But, it went dead.
Well, guess i just have to make do with this wrong purchase since what is done cannot be undone. At least, this prevents others from thinking I'm expecting too much.
5月15日 I Don't Wanna, Talk About It..Sometimes life seems to be such tiring, bothersome matter. Each day, we need to decide on this, clarify on that, handle this, resolve that. It seems endless.
Because of a simple birthday celebration, all complications fall from all angles. Mum will be turning 54 this coming 23 May. Usually, the 3 of us will arrange for a dinner at some restaurant with her. This year, is exceptional. One clever person has decided to celebrate the birthday with my nephew, whose birthday falls on the same day as my mum. The person, till now I don't know who is that, claimed that it was my mum who insisted on this plan. Well, whatever the case is, it has been decided to celebrate together with my nephew. This is only the beginning.
"We need to split the cost between the both of us, since R might not join us after all, since he'll be in China."
"So how much is the budget?"
"I don't know, we have your family, my family, my inlaw and my da-gu, xiao-gu, families. Not many lah, don't worry, but I can't pay much lah, you know my situation one..."
"Har??? Why so many of them? I thought it's just between your family and mine??"
"Ai yoh, why you so giam one? They are also my family u know?"
..... why don't u say invite my inlaws, my bro and sis in law's families as well.... what do u expect me to say?
"Eh... I'm not giam, but how much is the cost? Estimation lah...."
"Hmmm... Not so sure ley, remember we had dinner at the zi-char the other day? Only our 3 families... how much it cost har? I think that was $300. Now...."
A rough estimation shows, a minimum cost of $500 is to be spent.
"Ai yah, know you got no money lah, ask mum to pay loh, worst come to worst..."
My goodness! Ask the birthday girl to pay for her own birthday celebration? How could she even suggest this?
I'm not a stingy person. Especially towards my mum. Each year, be it mother's day, birthday, or Christmas, I've never failed to give her my best present that I can offer. But asking me to pay for such an amount, to me, it is not worth it. I could have given her a better present with that price, or bring her to Shangri-La for a nice dinner.
"But this is mum's wish, you want to go against that, by all means, but you WILL be the ONE who make mum upset."
This left me with no alternatives. In that case, why did she claimed she wants to 'discuss' mum's birthday with me? Is this a discussion? It doesn't seemed to be a 'discussion' at all.
As I raised my views on this 'plan', we argued, and nearly quarrelled over it. However, it doesn't ring a bell to her what my views are. Maybe, it doesn't matter to her after all.
Or perhaps, I should really change myself. To be a super generous person towards others. I'm not supposed to have any viewpoint, not suppose to dislike anyone, not suppose to comment on anything. The best thing to do is, zip up my lips.
I'm so tired of this so called 'plan'. Maybe I should make myself disappear on that day, keep myself busy, find a lame excuse not to attend. Anyway, I doubt I'll be happy throughout the entire dinner.
I realised, life is indeed not easy to live in. I thought my family will know me best. But the answer is NO.
"You are not fit to be a Christian. Still dream of being a leader someday or even study in Christian college to do what Christian work? I think u better not lah, your character, you this type of person can never make it in life!"
The words hit me badly. So badly that I feel like I've diminished from earth.
".. You are the salt on the earth, ... the light of the world..."
What an irony!
I can't remember how many times I've been hit just as bad by my own siblings, or even my own mum. So many years, I've always tried to please everyone in my family, trying to seek acknowledgement from them. Everytime when I do that, it seems that I'm easier and easier to handle by them. "Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalms 73:25 - 26
Someone often told me, don't bother so much about other's life. Just do what you are supposed to do. Don't busybody or try to help other people, for it doesn't pay to do so.
How true is this sentence! I can't remember how many times I've helped my sis. But usually the person that you are closest to, will hurt you the most.
And let us not grow weary while doing good,
for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
Galatians 6:9
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